For the Love of Bikes

Life is better on a bike!

Category: cycling (Page 1 of 37)

July 23, 2023 /
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I could never have imagined that one day I would not watch the Tour de France. Never in my wildest dreams.

In years past my life in the month of July centered on the Tour de France. I did not travel during the Tour unless I absolutely had to, which happened once. I took time off from work on key stages so I could watch live, and all told, I spent hundreds of hours each year watching, reading, and blogging about the Tour.

Before we in the U.S. had the means to watch the Tour de France on television, I followed it through print media to the extent I could, namely newspapers and Bicycling magazine. My interest in the Tour began with Greg Lemond in 1986 and only grew in 1989 when he bested Frenchman Laurent Fignon, to win the Tour by the smallest of margins – 8 seconds! Three weeks of racing, 2,000 miles, and 8 seconds separated the winner and loser! My infatuation with the Tour de France bloomed into full-blown love during Lance Armstrong’s reign.

When the Tour de France finally came to cable I lived in front of my television. Typically there were a couple of versions televised each day; live for 3-5 hours, and 2 hours recorded with analysis. I watched both. For 3 weeks. And I did my own analysis of the Tour here for several years.

When I was not watching the race I rode my bike. The month of July was typically my highest mileage month unless I did a bike tour.

I stopped last year. Until two days ago I had not really understood why or even given it any thought, other than a general awareness of the change.

Watching the Tour de France or any bike race for that matter (in the past I watched the Classics and the other two Grand Tours) reminded me of what I used to do and what I no longer can do: Ride my bike like I did before getting hit.

This year I have maybe ridden five times on our paved trails. Possibly less, maybe more? Riding on trails is not the kind of cycling I loved and although I did some of that last year, it became boring and so this year I have not had the desire to. Maybe I should, but riding on trails is maybe 20% of what cycling was for me so in some ways it is harder than not riding at all.

After getting hit in August 2021 I promised my daughter I would no longer ride on the road. I realized last year I could not ride on the road regardless of my promise. I am too scared, too jumpy, to be safe riding in traffic. No way is that doable for me.

So without realizing it, when I gave up riding on the road I also gave up the Tour de France too.

I have kept up with the general classification race on social media, but do not have the means to watch it because I did not subscribe to a streaming service. Maybe I will next year.

On the surface it may not seem like much, but no longer watching professional bike racing or writing about it here and elsewhere, is yet another consequence of the accident. Another loss of something that was important to me but is no longer available. There are many of those things. More than I ever anticipated and more than anyone else knows.

December 2, 2021 /
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Greetings, and Season’s Greetings.

Today marks four months since the accident so it seems a good time for an update.

In some ways things seem normal. In many ways my life is picking up where it left off before the crash, if you leave a few things out of the equation: I am not cycling outdoors, nor doing very strenuous or long activities, my most-injured leg is still swollen and still weak to a degree that is hard to understand, my pelvic torsion has not yet corrected and is causing my right leg to be shorter – which impacts my gait, balance and mobility IOW ( much less than it did though) – so there are important issues still to resolve. I am also not quite back to being my previous energetic and fit self. I so miss that self. Will I ever see her again? Honestly I think not, not like before anyway.

However, I am still so grateful! Grateful my injuries were not more, well, injurious. Grateful I have made the gains I have – which I am told by my exceptional physical therapist are miraculous – and she does not throw complements around let me tell you – but I work so hard to improve and she respects that. And I have improved so much! When I think of where I was after being hit, the surgery, over 2 weeks of hospitalization and rehab, the physical limitations, etc., I cannot be anything but grateful for the gains I have made. They have been hard-won to put it mildly.

It is also true that I literally do not remember much of August – except for things I wish I could forget – or September or a lot of October. It is so strange to have big gaps in my memory. I do not know if it is due to the concussion or medications or both. Or the trauma of it all. Likely, all three – how could it not.

I continue to work with my “team” of professionals, who were/are a big part of where I am now in my recovery. I literally could not have done it without them, (nor my husband, Mark – certainly no one has helped me more), as my rehab and recovery support system. That’s a good name for them because they do support me and keep me moving in the right direction – not too fast or slow. I don’t really do slow more than I have to, but I also don’t do fast any longer and I am okay with that. I am learning to have patience with myself. And compassion too.

I am now able to ride my trainer down in the basement some. I use a little step stool to get on and off my bike and it works. Riding is actually part of my rehab, great for range of motion and strengthening, and to hopefully encourage my pelvic/leg issue to return to normal. It has not changed yet, but PT is addressing it along with my musculoskeletal doctor who is renowned with these types of injuries so I am hopeful. The leg length difference still throws things off and makes walking (something you do a lot you know) more difficult – even with lifts in shoe – and a little unstable but I am careful. My lower back was also whacked and that is another problem.

But as Elton John would say, I’m still standing.🎶

October 26, 2021 /
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injured
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I am 12 weeks post-accident (since getting t-boned by a car) and post-total hip replacement surgery.

The most difficult part of the rehab has been dealing with a significant leg length discrepancy (LLD). In addition to the LLD, the trauma to my femur and lower body in general, plus the consequences of surgery, has changed my gait dramatically and consequently given me knee and leg pain/swelling. I have orthotics in both shoes to minimize the problems with walking and still, it isn’t enough.

Pain and swelling in my knee and leg make it difficult to press on with my rehab and recovery – to get back as much as I can of what was lost – because the more active I am the worse it gets. I am used to recovering, you don’t ride as long as I have or even exercise in general and not know injury and its sister, recovery. I am not used to this type of injury however, I have never suffered a trauma like this nor had lasting impairments like those I have now.

I hope it all resolves – I am doing everything in my power so that it does. My physical therapist suggested I discuss it all with my surgeon at my next appointment and also get a 2nd opinion given all the issues I am having. I cannot even think about going through another surgery, but I may not fully recover without corrective surgery. I have not concerned myself with that before, for what I expect are obvious reasons, but as new problems arise in my recovery because of the LLD and femur angle, etc., I may have to.

My game plan is to do everything my physical therapist tells me, but no more. The only thing I do beyond my PT exercises here at home is to ride the spinner bike I have, also sanctioned by my PT. Cycling reduces the stiffness in my leg, helps my range of motion, and of course, my psyche too.

In addition to my PT, I am working with a couple of neuromusculoskeletal physicians the orthopedic surgeon referred me to for help with the problems mentioned above, and my PT added massage therapy to the mix yesterday. I am glad to have a team to address the various aspects of my rehab, which will all aid in my recovery.

Turns out it takes a village to recover from getting hit by a car when you were on a bike, with only your fascia and muscles to help protect your bones and joints.

October 11, 2021 /
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I woke up from pain last night, more than once – which is typical for me now, and wondered if you ever think about me? Wonder how I am doing? How did my surgery go? And my recovery? Do you even know I had to have surgery to fix what you caused to be broken? Do you even care?

It has been 10 weeks today since the accident wrecked my body and my life and yet I have never even heard from you. I find that staggering in its neglect and lack of humanity.

You did speak to me that day. While I was waiting on the ambulance to arrive so I could be taken to the hospital for what I knew was a broken leg or hip, and whatever else I wasn’t yet aware of – but I was painfully aware of that. But when I asked you if you were the driver, because I could see it on your face, you nodded and said, “I’m sorry”. And my humanity allowed me to feel bad for you, and I tried to assure you I would be okay! Isn’t that just crazy! That I would care for you and how you were feeling even though I was in excruciating pain – but that is who I am – and this is obviously who you are.

That is the last I heard from you – which is just so wrong. How do you get to be so clueless, care-less, when not a day in my life has looked like my life did before you pulled right out in front of me.

I live with the results of that every single day and you just get to stay oblivious. That is not right. I have lasting injuries from being hit by you. Injuries that will require more surgery if they can be fixed.

I have paid dearly every day, and as it stands now, I may have to pay forever for your inattention. What about you – what has it cost you?

October 1, 2021 /
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By soul work, I mean the work I have done in therapy and through my writing practice to recover my soul, my essential self, not the self blindly constructed to fit in. Initially, I resisted going to therapy for the same reasons others do: a belief that I should be able to handle my problems myself, the vague shame and stigma attached to needing therapy in the first place, and lastly, I feared making myself vulnerable. Without that openness though, therapy can’t work its magic.

I had this sense I was being held back in my life by all I had been holding in. Therapy and writing helped me to reconnect with my soul and heart, and consequently also led me to view my mind with healthy skepticism. We should all be skeptical of what our minds tell us, always, still, I started seeing my mind, body and soul as interwoven aspects of myself, rather than separate parts, each needed and important for living fully.

So what does this very personal confession have to do with cycling? Therapy is helping me deal with the overwhelm of the accident. My therapist supports me as I feel and process the many consequences of the accident – including the emotional trauma of my injuries – the wounds to my spirit and soul – which have all been overwhelming. For much of the first few weeks, I had reoccurring nightmares replaying the accident from the hit to being thrown to crashing onto the street. Thankfully they don’t happen like that any longer but I notice even being in the car I am anxious and have an overreaction to the typical bad behavior of drivers – and that’s as a passenger. I can’t even begin to imagine ever riding on the road again. When cycling on roads you have to stay calm, focused, and just fully attuned to everything happening around you – in front, behind, to the sides, the road surface, other riders, etc. to ride and keep yourself safe – and still, you can be hit!

At times it all feels like more than I am capable of withstanding, like an assault on my very being. The pain, emotional and physical, is overwhelming at times and I end up in the emotional equivalent of the fetal position. Curled up against the world, tucked inside myself, hiding – trying to just survive. I have been in that curled-up state a lot over the last eight weeks.

I write to keep from going under completely and it helps, but only so much. Two days ago it all overwhelmed me and I gave in to the emotion, the pain, and I let it out. On paper and then in my therapy session. I let go, and felt, and cried – I grieved for what was and what now is.

Afterward, I felt a shift, maybe a bit of healing. And yesterday, the day after, I went out into the world, to my favorite place to hike and walked using my cane. Not far at all, but it was uplifting and soul-full. The sunshine and birds and the signs of autumn all around me helped me feel a little like myself. I snapped this selfie to capture this ‘coming out’ moment.

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